Delicate Constitution
by Leaf Skeletons
Summary: Malcolm has pissed off the Stoll brothers. He knows what to expect. Leo is somehow involved.


The first unfortunate thing that occured was that Chiron had chosen to put the Hermes cabin and the Athena cabin side by side for their weekly ancient Greek lesson. The second unfortunate thing was that the Stoll brothers nearly always skipped that particular slot of their timetable. And the most unfortunate thing of all was that Malcolm could not go one day without minding his own damn business.

"I can hardly believe you!" Chiron chided as the summer sun blazed in the creases on his usually benign face. "We're facing another Great Prophecy, new campers are coming in every other day and what do you do to set an example as cabin leaders? You skip classes! Really, I am quite sick of this, boys. I've let you get away with a lot, but I simply cannot allow you to-"

"But sir... Ancient greek, I mean its all Greek to me-"

"SILENCE!" Mr D rumbled over, his right hand clamped over a shining aluminum can.

Travis bit his lip and Connor had the decency to look unconvincingly ashamed.

"What did these impudent beasts do now, Chiron?" Mr D asked as he took a long sip.

"Well, nothing really-" Chiron said hastily.

"Well, they exist and that's enough for me!" Mr D snapped. "And knowing them, it's probably some idiotic misdeed or another. Kitchen duty for two weeks!"

"But sir-"

"But sir, please-"

Mr D was already strolling down the aisle, mumbling curses under his breath.

* * *

From his spot on the Athena cabin bench, Malcolm gulped hesitantly as two very pissed-off Stoll brothers made their way towards him. A harsh gust of wind blew his shirt collar towards his lips.

"Annabeth!" He croaked weakly as they approached.

"Hello, Malcolm." Travis grinned as he leaned against the pillar. "Fine weather we're having, eh?"

"Technically, the forecast signals that we'll be having storms-" Malcolm managed to mutter.

"Storms." Connor said lightly. He looked at Travis. "Hear that, bro? There's a storm coming." He shifted his gaze to the nervous son of Athena and glared pointedly.

Malcolm gulped.

"See you, Athena." Travis chortled as Connor made his way off the cabin's porch.

"Really, it will be fine if you can't." Malcolm muttered, but the brothers were already gone.

* * *

"SHOT THROUGH THE HEART AND YOU'RE TO BLAME you give loooove a BAD NAME."

Leo Valdez could do many things. He was, for example, very handy with tools. But if there was one thing the boy could not do, it was sing. The son of Hephaestus was working on the Argo II, his greasy hands gripping a hammer as he whistled.

"I PLAYED MY PART AND YOU PLAYED YOUR-"

"Yo, Valdez!" The incorrigible voice of Travis drifted into the workroom and caused Leo to jolt his head upwards, accidentally slamming it on the bottom of the workbench.

"Oy." He groaned, rubbing his head. "What? Can't you fools see I'm working?"

"Yes." Said Connor as he drew a finger across one of the blueprints. "Hey man, we need your help."

Leo snorted. No one came to him for help.

"Okay, idiotos, what's up?"

"What is that like, idiot in spanish?"

Leo rolled his eyes before smiling sweetly at the brothers. "Eres tan estupido como un perro."

The Stolls looked at each other in confusion before shaking their heads.

"Can we borrow Festus's head?"

"No way in hell!" Leo said defensively. "What do you stupids need it for, eh?"

"Revenge. Malcolm snitched on us for something so we want to get back at him!"

Leo mulled over this. Just yesterday, he had bunked off one his classes to do further work on the Argo II. Malcolm had complained to Mr D who had sentenced him to a week's worth of kitchen duty. (Not very creative, but years of looking after idiot campers would make you bored of assigning punishments, one assumes.)

But at the same time, there was so much work to be done...

"Amigos," Leo said, resting against the table. "Put aside these petty thoughts of revenge."

Travis raised his eyebrows. "What?"

"You heard me," Leo spread his arms. "I've got a lot of work to do. The ship ain't going to build its own ass, aye? And you two have got so many new siblings... Work on taking care of them, why don't you?"

Connor looked towards his left and his right before leaning in.

"Are you on drugs?"

"Nothing but the honest drug of hard work."

Travis and Connor looked at each other and sighed, turning to leave.

"Guys," Leo winked, "Since you're here already, mind helping me lift some things?"

* * *

Malcolm was not a happy boy. He knew the Stolls were out to get him and he was less than pleased. Why, why, why did he always have that annoying urge to be such a prefect all the time?

Well it was their fault for not wanting to learn!

In any case, he would have to keep his eyes out.

"Malcolm?"

"HOLY HADES." He shot up, turning around to see Connor walk up behind him.

"Woah, dude... Relax, yes?" The boy frowned. "I just wanted to borrow a book."

"You. Book?"

"I thought Athena kids were not supposed to sound like Neanderthals? Yes, I want to borrow a book. Something about Venice, if you have it. My sister Jacqueline's birthday is next week and Trav and I want to make her something. She loves Venice, so..."

Malcolm raised an eyebrow. "Are you going to burn the book?"

"Dude, what?"

"You going to lose the book? Destroy the book?"

"Dude, I just want to borrow it, man."

Malcolm squinted at him suspiciously. "Fine. I'll go check."

* * *

"Malcolm." Annabeth glared. Her half-brother was supposed to be helping her go through some blueprints for the ship but he kept staring out of the window every few minutes. "Malcolm!"

"Oh yeah, what?"

"What's wrong with you? You've been antsy the whole day!"

"Nothing, I just... well, I pissed off the Stolls."

Annabeth snorted. "They're not going to come after you, for the sake of the Gods. They're not the mafia."

"I wouldn't be surprised." Malcolm said darkly.

"Well, stop brooding over it."

* * *

Of course, Malcolm had to brood over it. He spent the next few days nervously looking up at the trees as he passed them, waiting for things to rain down on him.

He hesitantly appraised each sword he was handed to during combat training, sure that the brothers would have replaced it with something that would backfire upon him halfway to the duel.

He even prayed that the two wouldn't show up at ancient greek that week but of course they did, and he had to spend every second peering over his shoulder to make sure that they weren't going to do something to him.

It was exhausting.

Malcolm was finally having a good night's sleep when a noise jolted him wide awake. Sitting bolt upright, he stared at the foot of his bed where something was hiding.

A glass full of water.

A light flickered in the bathroom and Malcolm stifled a yelp.

The door flung open and Annabeth strode out to see her brother with his blanket up to his chin, the dark circles under his eyes cowering with fear.

"It's them." He whispered.

"What is it now, Malcolm!" She snapped. Her blonde curls were sticking up at the back of her head and pale slit of moonlight danced across her face.

Malcolm raised a quivering finger to point at the glass.

"Di immortales, that's mine! I was in a rush to go the bathroom so I placed it on there for a second!"

Malcolm buried his head into his blanket and moaned.

* * *

_Malcolm's Journal (Not a diary)_

_Today was not a pleasant one. First and foremost, as I tried to concentrate during ancient greek, the Apollo cabin burst into song. It did not help matters that such a song was not an intelligent one. With unquenchable thirst for knowledge pounding in my brain, I told to stop. They did not listen to me._

_Also, I was asked by Chiron to get Clarisse's homework for said subject (due last week, which gives you an idea of how irresponsible she is. Frankly, I am most diasppointed). As is predictable, she told me to get a life. I told her that I already had one- logically, we are all having one and she told this:_

_"You have a life Malcolm? Well then, I'm going to end it if you don't shut up."_

_This is a very stressful situation for me as I am of a delicate constitution._

_I believe that she has made a threat of murder. Must watch my back._

_Also, I was talking to Leo Valdez because he simply is not building his ship in a proper manner. He then smiled politely at me and started to spout spanish in such a plesant tone. I am not sure exactly what he said because I do not understand that language (Note to self: Endeavour to learn) but I believe it was a compliment. A bright spot in my day. _

_But alas, the most problematic situation hangs over me like a storm. The Stoll brothers have yet to carry out their revenge plan; (did I use that oxford comma correctly? Note: Must ask Annabeth about the proper usage of the oxford comma) I know it is approaching._

_May the Gods bless me that they do it quickly because I am of a delicate constitution and I cannot afford to spend my days in paranoia._

_May tomorrow be a better day and may my fellow campers behave in a manner that properly befits our noble heritage._

* * *

The next day he hurried over to the Hermes table just after breakfast.

He stopped Jacqueline just as she was walking away. "Hey little girl," He said, trying to adopt a fatherly, friendly tone. "Is it your birthday next week?"

"You're such a creep!" The little girl said and walked away.

"Is it really her birthday next week?" Malcolm asked another camper who nodded hesitantly.

"Where are the Stoll brothers?" Malcom demanded.

"Um, they're working on the Argo II with Leo down at the-"

"The Stoll brothers do not WORK!" Malcolm screamed. The whole pavillion fell silent; Mr D rolled his eyes to the heavens.

"Come here!" He snapped to Malcom who shamefully walked towards him.

"Son, you need medication."

"Of course I do! I'm ADHD and I have stress issues and-" Malcolm was turning red with exertion.

"I think," Mr D said airily, "That you need anger-"

"My bladder issues are none of your concern!"

Mr D made a disgusted face. There was a complete and utter silence.

"Go. Just go."

Malcolm paused. "Sir, can I make a respectful request? The Stoll brothers are out to get me and I require protection of a godly nature-"

"GET LOST!" Mr D yelled, slamming his diet coke on the table.

Malcolm scuttled off.

* * *

"Hand me that spanner, would ya?"

Connor grabbed the tool and tossed it at Leo who caught it expertly.

"Dude, Malcolm is freaking out!" Travis snorted as they watched the son of Athena. He seemed to have reached a point where he would start breaking out in little spasms of nervousness.

Leo winked. "It's just like I said. Make him paranoid, he starts freaking himself out. Slowly, the little idioto descends into a fiery pit of madness and then BOOM, BABY- we strike."

"Boom!" Connor agreed.

* * *

The plan was simple. A bucket of fake spiders over Malcolm's head as he left his cabin for his daily chores. Nothing much, really, but then again they had let the boy go through a week of intense paranoia already.

"One." Connor started.

"Two." Travis took up.

"Three!" Leo finally yelled and pressed a button on the control. The bucket upended, sending the rubbery demons all over Annabeth.

"Well, shit."

The daughter of Athena began to scream wildly, waking up everybody within a two kilometer radius. She continued to scream, her grey eyes wide with fear as she struggled to get out of the onslaught of black and spindly legs.

Malcolm burst out. His brain registered only the spiders and he began to scream as well as Annabeth managed to rush out of the horde.

Leo, Connor and Travis were trying to walk away without getting any attention but Malcolm saw them and pointed as the whole Athena cabin began screaming when they came out to the porch and noticed the fake spiders.

Annabeth's eyes switched from fear to anger and she began to run forward towards them.

They locked eyes with one another and immediately began to run.

"You guys are so DEAD!"

"It wasn't my idea, chica!" Leo protested as he narrowly avoided bumping into Jake Mason.

"It was totally your idea!" Travis countered as he swiped past Nyssa.

"It was meant for Malcolm, not you!" Connor cried as they reached a dead end.

Turning around to face the fuming girl, the three boys gulped.

* * *

Malcolm had ordered Will Solace to pick up the spiders and dispose of them. By gods, did he hate this phobia! It was so... irrational and things always had to be logical!

Malcolm then realised what this meant: the Stoll brothers had gotten their revenge! He was free!

He whooped, pumping a fist into the air. Above him, the sky was blue.

That was when Festus's head dropped out of a nook from the roof, covering Malcolm's eyes. The boy lurched forwards blindly, scrambling past bodies and air before he descended into a pit.

"Help me!"

Above him, fireworks blazed through the pale skies as Leo's automated set-offs did their job. There was chaos and screaming and for Malcolm there was darkness and hopelessness and OH MY GODS, his head was stuck in a dragon's head and he was in a pit!

This was it, this was the end.

He supposed he had a nice life. Not a peaceful life or a semi-normal life, even, but he had had a life and that was better than nothing-

"Gotcha." A very bruised Connor pulled the dragon head off Malcolm who dropped against the side of the pit, dry heaving.

"Where did you... How..."

"Who says Hermes kids are lazy? We dug this last night, when you were sleeping?"

Malcolm groaned.

"Lesson learned, amigo." Leo grinned as he lovingly grabbed Festus's head away from Connor and began to massage the polished metal. "Just never tell on us for skipping class again, got it?"

Malcolm nodded eagerly as the three bruised boys led him out of the pit and back into the throng of Campers who had rolled their eyes and gotten on with their work.

Malcolm walked past Annabeth who raised an eyebrow at his dishevelled state.

"Where are you going?"

"Big House." He muttered.

He was going to _tell _Chiron about what those three idiots had done to him.


End file.
